Pax Plena

I’ve been thinking a lot about time lately. For all of my travels and nomadic lifestyle, more often than not, I wonder whether I’ve placed myself in the position of NOT showing up and being present for those I love and care about.

I live in Oklahoma. My son lives in Indiana. My family lives in Oklahoma. My girlfriend lives in Colorado. And my place of employment is based in Arizona- though much of my erstwhile work was mostly national and international in scope. Suffice it to say, it’s a lot to juggle and I live out of suitcases and backpacks more often than I’d like. A part of me longs for a place to call home.

Like many of you, I’ve done this for nearly a decade.

I heard a hymn long ago with a verse that says, “Time is now fleeting the moments are passing. Passing for you and for me.” That’s true. Every moment not spent in one place is spent in another. And once you string together enough moments, time passes by.

Time these days seems less about travel and more about presence.

In my life, I’ve often felt that life was such a hurry. A hurry to achieve – whether it be financial, career, or educational success. But I am learning, slowly, that the rush causes one to miss out on the things that are actually worth enjoying. As an old country music song put it, “I rush and rush until life’s no fun…but I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”

And I wonder, what would be the harm in slowing down? To savor moments. To enjoy the journey as the Zen among us might suggest. Yet, this seems to be, among many things, one of the things I can’t seem to do. Rushing is second nature. On to the next thing, no matter how much I might try to savor the moment. At any given point, there are a million other moments competing for my attention, and I can’t for the life of me sort out why.

The reality is that none of my rushing matters. Clarity will come. Resolution will come. Satisfaction will come. Things will sort themselves out one way or another. All I can do is keep moving and wait.

The problem of time is that it moves so slowly when one would that it were fast. And it moves so quickly when one would that it were slow. If I were to rely upon the caprice of time, the result would be a perpetual state of malcontent – which, the years have taught me, is no way to live.

In this season of life, I feel that the best way to navigate the past and the road ahead is to slow down. I’ve rushed for so long and ventured so far from my moorings that it’s actually quite useful to take stock and see where my values lie.

The reality is that we don’t get a “do-over” in the life. It’s only one shot. And we have to make it count.